Im ersten Beitrag habe ich erklärt, wie ich darauf komme hier jüdische Witze zu erzählen und beendete den Eintrag mit einem wirklich kurzem Witz. Diesmal möchte ich einen längeren jüdischen Witz vom Stapel lassen. Es handelt sich um eben diesen bestimmten Witz, den der Sohn des verstorbenen Roland Baader in seinem Nachruf verschriftlichte. Er fügte zuvor noch hinzu, dass sein Vater diesen Witz noch reichlich auszuschmücken und in einem „charmantem, kauzigem deutsch-jiddischen Akzent“ vorzutragen pflegte.
Ibrahim und Jakob sind alte Freunde. Sie treffen sich regelmäßig, um sich über die Geschicke ihrer Familien, Geschäfte und andere alltägliche Dinge auszutauschen. Eines Tages hat Ibrahim bei dieser Gelegenheit ein kleines Paket dabei.
„Was ist in dem Paket, Ibrahim?“ – „Nur ein Stein Jakob.“ – „Ein Stein???“ – „… ein Stein, ja.“ – „Ja aber, was willst du denn mit einem Stein, Ibrahim?“ Ibrahim: „Och, nichts Bestimmtes. Ich habe ihn halt bei einem Steinmetz gesehen und gedacht, vielleicht brauchst du ja mal so einen Stein. Außerdem ist der Stein sehr hübsch und handwerklich hervorragend gefertigt. Da habe ich ihn eben gekauft.“
„Gekauft?! Was hast du denn dafür bezahlt?“ – „Och, nicht viel. Ich habe dem Steinmetz einen Zehner dafür gegeben.“
„Einen Zehner! – Für einen Stein?“ – „Ja. Wie gesagt, er ist sehr hübsch und handwerklich einwandfrei.“Wieder zuhause ist Jakob innerlich völlig aufgewühlt. Wenn sein bester, kaufmännisch hochversierter Freund einen Zehner für einen Stein bezahlt, dann muss doch etwas dran sein, an dem Stein … und wenn er noch so hübsch und handwerklich gut gefertigt ist. Beim nächsten Treffen muss Jakob seiner Seele Luft verschaffen: „Ibrahim, erinnerst du dich an das Päckchen mit dem Stein, das du bei unserer letzten Begegnung dabei gehabt hast?“
„Stein? … ach der Stein! Ja, Ja, sehr hübsch und handwerklich einwandfrei. Warum fragst du?“ – „Ich würde ihn dir gern abkaufen.“
„Abkaufen? Einen Stein? Aber Jakob, wofür um Himmels Willen brauchst du denn meinen Stein?“
Jakob: „Och, für nichts Bestimmtes, Ibrahim. Aber, da er ja so hübsch ist, kann man ihn vielleicht ja mal brauchen. Außerdem ist er doch handwerklich einwandfrei, wie du sagst.“
Ibrahim: „Ja, schon, aber ich habe immerhin einen Zehner für den Stein bezahlt und … „Nach einigem Hin und Her jedenfalls verkauft Ibrahim seinem alten Freund Jakob den Stein für einen Zwanziger. Ibrahim geht nach Hause, und dabei lässt ihm ein Gedanke keine Ruhe: Wenn sein alter und gewiefter Freund Jakob einen Zwanziger für diesen Stein bezahlt, dann muss etwas dran sein, an dem Stein … abgesehen davon, dass man so einen hübschen und handwerklich gut gefertigten Stein sicherlich irgendwann mal brauchen kann. Kurzum: Beim nächsten Treffen kauft Ibrahim seinem alten Freund Jakob nach langer Diskussion und endlosem Feilschen den Stein für einen Fünfziger wieder ab.
Das geht viele Jahre so … Und irgendwann – Jakob hat sich nach tagelangem innerlichen Kampf schweren Herzens dazu durchgerungen, Ibrahim den Stein gegen den nächsten Millionenbetrag abzukaufen – eröffnet Ibrahim seinem alten Freund, dass er den Stein nicht mehr hat. Jakob: „Du hast ihn verkauft???“ – „Ja, hat sich halt so ergeben.“
„Aber Ibrahim, du kannst doch nicht so einfach unseren Stein verkaufen“ – „Wieso nicht? War doch nur ein Stein.“
Jakob: „Ja, sicher, aber dieser Stein hat uns jahrelang ernährt!“
[Diesen Witz habe ich aus dem Magazin eigentümlich frei entnommen, Ausgabe Nr. 120]
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